From 2012 Writing From the Senses

Prompt #1
When I sit down to write I feel…

This is wonderful. I am at home. I am doing what I am meant to be doing. Just flow. Let it come as it wants. After a while, as I read what I’ve written so far, I see places where it’s not precisely what I meant to say, so I make small changes so it feels like what’s on the page really reflects what I thought or felt or saw or heard or dreamed.

My critic is not active when I write. I might make judgements the next day or month or year, but I treasure whatever flows out in the moment. Especially now that it is the primary way for me to be in conversation with others.

Prompt #2
When I have finished writing I feel…

Differently depending on what kind of finished it is. 

When I have five or ten minutes to make a journal entry I often think about how it could be expanded later or how it fits with other writing. I know I’m finished when the little unit is clear enough that I can pick up the energy and flow the next time I need to.

When I’m writing a short piece for a class, I make it as good as I can in the time allotted, but I know it could be deepened and revised for years as it works into the longer piece I’m working on, which seemingly is never done.

Prompt #3
I want you to know…

That the strong place I found is the heroic will to keep overcoming challenges. It gets stronger and deeper every time, from sheer accumulation of experience. And because this time around it is harnessing its apparent opposite– vulnerability and softness. Because the challenge this time is that I am losing the ability to speak . And a closely related part of the challenge is that the condition, which has been diagnosed as Progressive Bulbar Palsy, is often a precursor to ALS. I don’t have a diagnosis of ALS, thank God, but the neurologists and I are always on the lookout for indications. So I have to separate out the real symptoms that are happening with my speech, swallowing, and stamina from the visions of the imagined catastrophic future that is triggered every time I have a cramp , or a twitch, or some weakness. These are two different challenges. And this indomitable will power is constantly seeking out ways to deal with them both. Right now the core skill or weapon as appreciating the positive and growth aspects of vulnerability. 

I lived and practiced at the Zen Center of Los Angeles for 28 years. The completion of practice is to be totally in the moment, integrating the relative and the absolute, wisdom and compassion, and to act spontaneously from that realization. Losing the ability to speak, and the close proximity of ALS is allowing me to drop the last traces of resistance to being fully here and appreciating every moment as precious.

Prompt #4
What I learned tonight
I was pleased to see what a positive effect doing a guided body meditation has on the level of my writing. 

And always, how wonderful it is to be with people who are sharing themselves with their writing. It is nourishing, rich, deep human interaction.

Suggested prompt during the week –
“My strength…”