From Mantra Crystals and Practice, Path, Goal

9/2/04

Last night I discovered Will Johnson’s web site with all the practices he’s developed since the 2 books I’ve read. I was sitting with “aligned, relaxed, resilient” for a while, which morphed into this. As always, at some point it popped up that “relax into presence” is what I was working on when the Juan Diaz incident happened. But it passes as I realize in this moment it’s ok to be vulnerable, sitting alone in my living room at 5:20 in the morning. Another layer of resistance begins to melt off. And as I write I reflect that that woundedness and vulnerability is right next to the gift, as Michael Meade says. Also a thread of Ani Pena Chödron. Relax into presence includes the hurt, pain, woundedness. Allowing it is the opening for humanness to flower. Relax into presence.

9/25/04

Today I sat with “aligned, relaxed, resilient”, but I’m going to include both under “relax into presence”, since that is the mantra crystal Will Johnson suggests – they are aspects of the same practice. Viewing them as one in this journal leads to healing and wholeness rather than further unnecessary analysis and fragmentation.

Alignment is with the gravity of the earth. But that’s a word we hear all the time — “align with the standards”. I start to see a bigger picture. Being open more and more, allowing my workplace to be a true site of bodhisattva manifestation.

12/14/04

Relax into presence. Aspects & edges of autobiography arise — story line, self centeredness, and self dramatization. Allow what arises to be as it is, then relax into presence. Presence is the center of the mandala of so many of my various practices. Not knowing is most intimate.

8/15/05

Relax into presence. I was getting dragged, sucked, again into the 60s and my memoir, now possibly novel, project. First period I sat with “breathing in and out from the hara”, but even with that a near-flood of autobiographical/historical notes came up. Second period I sat the entire 30 minutes with “relax into presence” and it really helped. It even works for letting go of thoughts about god. Relax into presence. What is presence? Experience it in the moment, on the breath. Each layer of thought about it drops away, drops off, melts away.